The Zombie Apocalypse

Disclaimer: The misanthropic views in this post are entirely my own and not to be taken seriously justified.

Today, those of us in the UK will be receiving phone pings in a few minutes as a test of the government’s alert system in the event of attack, natural disasters, pollution incidents, the discovery of an honest politician, or other low-probability but earth-shattering events.

I fear it is too late.

Upon emerging from life drawing class the other day, in the city centre on a sunny Saturday lunchtime I realised that I had only ten minutes to reach the bus station to get my bus home.

So I set off by the most direct route – straight down the main shopping street.

After the first 100 yards of dodging slow-moving people wandering aimlessly, walking three-abreast or looking at their phones the relaxation of the previous two hours was undone.

The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Some time during the pandemic the British public was replaced by shambling hordes of the undead.

Not even interesting zombies either. Not the fast moving ones of 28 Days Later, nor the humorous ones of the Evil Dead franchise. Nope – these are the shuffling OG zombies of the George Romero movies.

Except rather than seeking brains to eat, they seem to be lacking ones to actually use.

I recounted this tale to my wife on my eventual return home. She was not at all surprised, being a supermarket worker since the pandemic. She tells me some of the zombies are bright enough to operate shopping trollies, but not bright enough not to block aisles with them whilst having monosyllabic communications with others in the horde.

She did, however, also point out that I could have avoided the buggers entirely had I gone up castle hill and down the other side to the bus station: Zombies not being interested in history, or in climbing hills apparently. I will remember for next time.



  1. Too funny!! But really – what do you think actually changed? Did we become overly attached to our phones during that time?

    What I find extraordinary is when people are walking along then suddenly stop – in their tracks that are also our tracks and yank out their phones to check out a notification. Either you run straight into them from behind or join the great parting of the sea. They are totally oblivious – no spacial awareness.

    Weird. I love your description of the shuffling horde. I am seldom in the city now but I can just see it from your description.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you :). I don’t know. I think that consideration for others was on the slide for a while before covid. And the divisive behaviour of politicians and the media didn’t help. Plus the rise of entitlement. Something has gone missing in the social fabric.

      And the people that stop dead in front of me to answer their phones bug the hell out of me too! If my phone rang I’d find a quiet doorway or side street to answer it.

      The spatial awareness thing is a good point. What they are actually doing is delegating the responsibility for their safety to those around them by assuming everyone will make way.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “an honest politician”🤣 It’s as if Shawn of The Dead was a prophecy. Here in The States we also have zombie *Drivers. Sleep-deprived truckers driving 18 wheelers like they’re motorcycles. They only get paid by the mile.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It was a prophecy I’m sure. The bit at the beginning where he goes out of his house to the shop and doesn’t notice anything is different to normal 🙂

      Ah, the deregulated US :). Here driving time is strictly monitored and limited to (I think) 10 hours in a day. Given our narrow, bendy and crowded roads it would be carnage otherwise.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for the chuckle.
    In a similar misanthropic line: I’ve just returned from a wildflower trip to find crowds even in the California desert, where I used to have it to myself as far as the eye could see. (But I only had to reprimand one family to stay on paths and not trample and pick the flowers. They ignored me. Fortunately I still have a few secret spots that have not made it on social media.) Will be posting photos soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Is nothing sacred any more? I only live 30 mins from the Lake District – the featured photo was at Windermere on wednesday – but rarely go there as it is spoiled.
      I look forward to your photos!


  4. That dash for the bus sounds ghastly. I rarely encounter crowds anymore, since I stopped commuting to the city and hang out mostly in my house as a freelancer. I’m sure the crowds would be just as selfishly preoccupied with their devices over here! The scenic view photo is wonderful and your drawing is pretty good too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Oddly enough I kind of miss my usual commute, but only because that hour on the bus is a rare quiet time.
      The photo was at Windermere, where we were on the Wednesday.


  5. I hope you received the phone call. As you might know, the infamous text that went out when a missile was heading to Hawaii from N. Korea was not due to excitable weaponry, but instead from a zombie who accidentally (???) leaned on a button.

    Or maybe it was a switch he flipped.

    I hope the naked guy you sketched is not offended that you used it for your zombie post.

    Remember the ability to steer a trolley or 4,000 lbs vehicle or inhabit a body does not denote situational awareness.

    Good day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did get the message, yes. Albeit the zombie pushed the button a minute early. Some folks didn’t get it at all. This is expected from anything organised by our government. Rumour has it that the lucrative contract for delivering this system can be traced via an intermediate to a company owned by our Prime Minister’s wife. Ooh what a strange ‘coincidence’…

      I doubt naked guy would see my blog, or recognise himself. The previous naked guy’s drawing ended up looking like our friend Richard and now none of us can unsee it…

      Liked by 1 person

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