Put a cork in it…

So here I am, wasting another 8 hours of my life in the office on Friday. My wife is at home supervising the guys replacing our bathroom. She sends me a text:

“I need a cork”

After careful consideration and knowing that my humour might not be welcome today, I reply:

“Er, thank you for sharing but this is a little too much information. I know you can’t use the bathroom but resorting to using a cork is a bit desperate and possibly dangerous to your health. Can’t you just cross your legs until they go for lunch?”

I was expecting a response in capital letters, possibly even with some rude words and some exclamation marks for seasoning. I was not far off:

“Ha Ha. Daft bugger. A cork for the hole in the ceiling”

Momentary alarm and puzzlement on my part, then:

“What hole???”

I sense some impatience in her next reply:

“The hole left by removing dead pipework installed by Mr Pedder. Remember him? The mad old bugger that owned the house before the current mad old bugger – and by that I mean YOU“

Ummm. I can’t deny the ‘mad old bugger’ label so I decide to defuse the situation by offering to search my lab for a cork or stopper of some variety. She replies:

“Ta. But I have an idea.”

This immediately caused slight panic but I let it go.

Anyway….later that night..

‘er indoors presents her idea, which I admit is a good one:

“The stopper in that bottle of Glenmorangie is about the right size. You could trim it to fit the hole then put filler over it“

Before I can come up with a response to this, she adds:

“The downside is that you would have to drink the rest of the bottle this weekend before it evaporates”.

It occurred to me, whilst whittling the bottle stopper to size, that I may have just been manipulated……


  1. I saw the pic on IG before I read the post too. Lol Yes, definitely manipulated but this post is hilarious. Hope you are feeling okay, that’s a lot of Glenmorangie!!!!! That amount of alcohol would have knock me out for a week. BTW, I wouldn’t plaster over that unique cork either.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Glad you enjoyed the post Dominique 🙂

      Most of the whisky has indeed gone. The tiny bit left has cling film over it – until tonight…

      I kind of like the cork as it is too, but suspect I would be overruled. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hehe! What a brilliant solution your wife found! 😉 And ‘poor you’ for having to finish off that bottle before the whiskey evaporated. 😉
    And I loved your first response to her text – hilarious!! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most of it got drunk Gill but I was coming down with a cold so have saved some for tonight!
      That first line was very heartfelt. I would be happier if it was not so draining – my poor old brain is so frazzled in the evening that it affects my energy outside of work too and I really resent that!
      You have a lovely weekend too!😍

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your picture on insta intrigued me so I had to come read. Oh dear, that was quite a solution. Hope you’ve recovered Darren. And hope this week starts off better for you. Hugs from here.

    Liked by 1 person

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